The Power of Emotional Intelligence in Kids
Oprah Winfrey, Barack Obama, Nelson Mandela, Mister Rogers, and Brene Brown all have one thing in common. They demonstrate high emotional intelligence or EQ, excelling in self-awareness, empathy, social skills, and emotional regulation. EQ is a crucial skill that helps children understand, express, and manage their emotions while navigating social interactions. For elementary-aged children, fostering EQ can be especially valuable in building self-confidence, resilience, and strong relationships. Understanding and nurturing emotional intelligence at this stage can set them up for long-term emotional well-being and success.
Understanding Emotional Intelligence (From a Child Therapist's Perspective)
Emotional intelligence encompasses several key skills, including:
Self-awareness: Recognizing one's own emotions and how they affect behavior.
Self-regulation: Managing emotions effectively and responding appropriately to challenges.
Motivation: Using emotions to drive positive action and perseverance.
Empathy: Understanding and considering the emotions of others.
Social skills: Navigating friendships, resolving conflicts, and engaging in meaningful communication.
Emotional intelligence (EQ) is often associated with adults navigating workplace dynamics or relationships, but its significance in children is just as profound. While many recognize that kids experience emotions, fewer understand the depth of their emotional intelligence and how it shapes their development, relationships, and future success. Emotional intelligence in children is not just about being “nice” or well-behaved—it is a critical life skill that impacts mental health, academic performance, and social interactions.
The Early Development of EQ
Many assume that young children cannot understand emotions, but research suggests otherwise. Babies as young as a few months old can sense and respond to the emotions of their caregivers. Toddlers begin to show signs of empathy by comforting others who are upset. This early emotional awareness lays the foundation for future emotional intelligence.
While academic intelligence (IQ) has long been seen as a predictor of future success, studies show that EQ is an even stronger determinant. Children with higher emotional intelligence tend to perform better academically, build stronger relationships, and handle stress more effectively. They are also more likely to become resilient adults who can navigate life’s challenges with confidence.
Challenges Faced by Emotionally Intelligent Children (Observed in Child Therapy)
Having a high EQ doesn’t mean a child will always have an easy time. In fact, emotionally intelligent kids may face unique challenges because they might feel emotions deeply. Highly empathetic children can become overwhelmed by the emotions of others, sometimes leading to anxiety or stress. They also struggle with social expectations. A child who understands emotions well may also pick up on unspoken tensions in family or social settings, leading to worry or self-doubt. Additionally, they can experience frustration when others lack emotional awareness. Kids with strong emotional intelligence might find it hard to understand why peers or adults react in certain ways, leading to frustration or isolation. This is the most common frustration expressed in my therapy sessions with kids, as their emotional awareness often trumps those around them, leading to annoyance and loneliness.
EQ in Literature: Examples
Let’s look to the literature for some examples. Many characters can be characterized as having low EQ or high EQ. Unlike IQ, which remains relatively stable over time, EQ can be nurtured and strengthened over time.
Low EQ Examples:
Draco Malfoy (Harry Potter): Exhibits lack of self-awareness, poor self-regulation, limited empathy, weak social skills, and fear-driven decision-making.
Other characters with low EQ that improved over time: Michael Scott, Gru, Tony Stark, Shrek, Loki, The Grinch, and Regina George.
High EQ Examples:
Charlie Bucket, Atticus Finch, Augie Pullman, Miles Morales, Bruno, Luca Paguro, and Stanley Yelnats.
Nurturing Emotional Intelligence (Guidance for Parents and Caregivers)
The good news: parents, educators, and caregivers play a key role in shaping a child’s emotional intelligence by modeling healthy emotional expression. When adults express and manage their own emotions in constructive ways, children learn to do the same.
Encouraging open conversations about feelings.
Creating a safe space for kids to talk about their emotions fosters emotional awareness.
Teaching problem-solving skills, and helping children navigate conflicts and setbacks builds their self-regulation and social skills.
Society often sends different messages about emotions to boys and girls. Girls are typically encouraged to express emotions openly, while boys are sometimes taught to suppress them. This can lead to challenges later in life when boys struggle with vulnerability or emotional regulation. It’s essential to create environments where all children, regardless of gender, feel safe expressing and managing their emotions. Children with strong emotional intelligence are more likely to develop resilience, cope with stress, and maintain positive mental health. Conversely, kids who struggle with emotional regulation may be more prone to anxiety, depression, and behavioral issues. Teaching EQ skills early can serve as a protective factor against future mental health challenges.
EQ Concerns: Parentification and COVID-19
Two areas of EQ concern that have been observed through my years as a practicing child therapist in North Carolina: parentification and COVID.
Parentification:
Parentified girls, those who take on caregiving roles beyond their developmental capacity, often due to family dynamics, may appear to have a higher emotional intelligence (EQ) in some areas, but this comes with complexities.
Examples of characters that portray these issues: Elsa, Katniss, and Violet in A Series of Unfortunate Events.
The author also adds a personal note concerning their own experience with parentification.
COVID-19 Pandemic:
The COVID-19 pandemic also disrupted children’s social and emotional development in profound ways.
Many elementary-aged girls spent critical formative years isolated from peers, navigating virtual learning, and absorbing the stress of an uncertain world.
As a result, some children are still struggling with emotional intelligence skills that would have naturally developed through in-person interactions.
This includes difficulty with making friends, social anxiety, emotional reactivity, and difficulty identifying and expressing emotions.
Strategies Used in Therapy for Children to Strengthen EQ
Here are some effective strategies to help elementary-aged kids strengthen their EQ:
Let them know that all emotions are valid and should be expressed healthily.
Create a safe space for them to talk about their feelings without fear of judgment.
Teach Emotional Vocabulary: Help identify and name their emotions improves self-awareness and communication.
Model Healthy Emotional Responses: Model self-regulation, problem-solving, and empathy, caregivers, and educators provide real-life examples for young girls to follow.
Encourage Empathy Through Perspective-Taking: Ask questions like, "How do you think your friend felt when that happened?" or "What would you do if you were in her shoes?" This practice helps build emotional awareness of others and strengthens interpersonal relationships.
Use Stories and Role-Playing Books: Choose stories with strong emotional themes and discuss how characters handle their feelings.
Support Problem-Solving and Conflict Resolution: Encourage kids to think through solutions when conflicts arise. Rather than stepping in immediately, guide them in brainstorming possible resolutions and understanding the emotions involved.
The Benefits of Strong EQ
Kids who develop strong emotional intelligence tend to:
Build healthy friendships and social connections.
Develop resilience in the face of challenges.
Have greater self-confidence and self-advocacy skills.
Experience lower levels of anxiety and stress.
Display stronger leadership and teamwork abilities.
By fostering emotional intelligence in elementary-aged kids, we provide them with the tools they need to thrive emotionally, socially, and academically. The earlier we start nurturing these skills, the more confident and emotionally aware they will become as they grow. Investing in emotional IQ is an investment in their future well-being and success, and helping kids develop emotional intelligence is one of the greatest gifts parents can give. Kids with strong EQ are more resilient, socially connected, and emotionally healthy skills that will benefit them for life.
For more information on EQ in kids and how therapy can help from Birch Therapy, check out my cheat sheet and video.
Get Started with Child Therapy in Raleigh, Durham, Apex, or North Raleigh Today!
If you are ready to get started with child therapy in North Carolina, our team of therapists are ready to connect with you. To get started, follow these steps:
Begin your child’s therapeutic journey and create lasting connections!
Other Services Offered at Birch Therapy in North Carolina
At Birch Therapy in Raleigh, NC, we offer more than just play therapy for children. In addition to our child therapy services, we also provide counseling for teens, trauma therapy, Parent-Child Interaction Therapy (PCIT), Parent Coaching, and parent groups/classes. We offer psychological testing for ADHD, Autism Spectrum Disorders, mood disorders, anxiety disorders (including PTSD), and more. Our services also include neurodivergent affirming therapy, a social skills group for kids, the Girl C.O.D.E program for girls in grades 3-5, community workshops, clinical supervision, the Circle of Security® Classroom, and evidence-based therapies such as Trauma-Focused Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (TF-CBT) and EMDR. At Birch Therapy, we are committed to supporting children, teens, and parents with a variety of therapeutic options tailored to their needs. We hope to come alongside you and your family, providing the support you need every step of the way.