Kids Connection: 5 Questions to Try

5 Questions to Try When “How Was Your Day?” Falls Flat

Engaging in meaningful conversations with teens can be tricky, especially when the usual "How was your day?" may only get a shrug or a one-word answer. Instead of sticking to the typical questions, try focusing on "1 thing" to make it easier for them to share specific moments from their day. This approach may be especially helpful for teens on the autism spectrum, who might find broad questions overwhelming and difficult to answer. By asking a more bounded question, you may create a space where your teen feels more comfortable opening up.

As you listen, try responding with acceptance and understanding before offering advice. Recognizing and validating any difficult feelings rather than brushing them aside can help strengthen the bond between you and reinforce the idea that all feelings are acceptable. When your teen is ready to engage in problem-solving, they may be more likely to seek your help after feeling more deeply heard. This kind of support is essential for fostering emotional health and resilience.

Next time you’re hanging out with your teen after a school day, give one of these a try!

1. "What was 1 thing you found interesting today?" This question invites them to share something that caught their attention, whether it’s related to school or something else they came across. It sparks curiosity and can lead to a better understanding of what really engages them, helping you build trust as you show interest in their world.

2. "What was 1 thing that surprised you today?" Asking about surprises can open up conversations about unexpected events or new experiences. It’s a chance to connect with them about both the good and the challenging surprises they encountered, which offers an opportunity to validate their feelings. This can help create emotional security by allowing them to explore and share their feelings without judgment.

3. "Who was 1 person you talked to today, and what did you talk about?" This question encourages them to reflect on their social interactions, which can lead to discussions about friendships, classroom dynamics, or any social challenges they might have faced. By focusing on listening first, you can help your teen feel seen and heard, reinforcing the idea that sharing about their connections, fun times, and tricky social situations with you is both safe and valued.

4. "What was 1 thing you enjoyed most about today?" Highlighting the positive parts of their day helps them recognize what brought them joy and satisfaction. This question not only shines a light on their interests and preferences but also helps them savor the good moments.

5. "Was there 1 thing today that you wish had gone differently?" This question gives them a chance to express any frustrations or challenges they faced. It’s another moment to validate their feelings, showing that it’s okay to experience difficult emotions sometimes. Instead of jumping into problem-solving mode, try just listening and acknowledging their feelings. You may find that over time, this strengthens their trust in your relationship. 

If you are someone who strives to make each situation a teachable moment, remember that sometimes the lesson you may do best to convey is that you are a safe space for them, no matter what they’re feeling. When they know their feelings will be respected and valued, they’re more likely to come to you in the future when things get tough. Weaving these questions into your daily conversations could be a good addition to the time you share with your teen. Your acceptance can play a crucial role in helping them to accept their full range of emotions, fostering resilience, emotional well-being, and a strong sense of security both at home and in life.